Burns Baptist Church

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Calendar of Events

SPECIAL EVENTS COMMITTEE MEETING
This year marks 20 years of Ministry for the Burns Baptist Church.  We are going to be celebrating that event during our annual Homecoming in August.  The Special Event Committee will be meeting on February 5th at 5pm to begin the planning of this very special event.
 
COOKBOOKS STILL AVAILABLE
Please don't forget that we still have cookbooks available through the church office.
 
 
1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18 – "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

 

SOMEBODY'S RAISING THEIR KID RIGHT!
One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in a classroom. The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children. The teacher asked a little boy: Tommy do you see the tree outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACHER: Tommy, do you see the grass outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky.
TOMMY: Okay. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky.
TEACHER: Did you see God up there?
TOMMY: No.
TEACHER: That's my point. We can't see God because he isn't there. Possibly he just doesn't exist.

A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions.
The teacher agreed and the little girl asked the boy: Tommy, do you see the tree outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy do you see the grass outside?
TOMMY: Yessssss!
LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky?
TOMMY: Yessssss!
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the teacher?
TOMMY: Yes
LITTLE GIRL: Do you see her brain?
TOMMY: No
LITTLE GIRL: Then according to what we were taught today in school, she possibly may not even have one!
(You Go Girl!)


FOR WE WALK BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT" II CORINTHIANS 5:7
 

Angels, as told by kids:

I only know the names of two angels. Hark and Harold.
Gregory, 5

Everybody's got it all wrong. Angels don't wear halos anymore.  I forget why, but scientists are working on it.
Olive, 9

It's not easy to become an angel! First, you die. Then you go to heaven, then there's still the flight training to go through. And then you got to agree to wear those angel clothes.
Matthew, 9

Angels work for God and watch over kids when God has to go do something else.
Mitchell, 7

My guardian angel helps me with math, but he's not much good for science.
Henry, 8

Angels don't eat, but they drink milk from holy cows.
Jack, 6

Angels talk all the way while they're flying you up to heaven. The basic message is where you went wrong before you got dead.
Daniel, 9

When an angel gets mad, he takes a deep breath and counts to ten.  And when he lets out his breath, somewhere there's a tornado.
Reagan, 10

Angels have a lot to do and they keep very busy. If you lose a tooth, an angel comes in through your window and leaves money under your pillow. Then when it gets cold, angels go north for the winter.
Sara, 6

Angels live in cloud houses made by God and his son, who's a very good carpenter.
Jared , 8

All angels are girls because they gotta wear dresses and boys didn't go for it.
Antonio, 9

My angel is my grandma who died last year. She got a big head start on helping me while she was still down here on earth.
Katelynn, 9

Some of the angels are in charge of helping heal sick animals and pets. And if they don't make the animals get better, they help the kid get over it.
Vicki, 8

What I don't get about angels is why, when someone is in love, they shoot arrows at them.
Sarah, 7

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PASTOR VISITATION THURSDAY 6:30 PM
February 2nd:  Jim White & Ron Melton
February 9th:  Howard Coles & Ron Melton
February 16th:  Wayne Albright & Ron Melton
February 23rd:  Les Fetzer & Ron Melton
 
COUNTING COMMITTEE
Kitty Mitchell, Pam Hagelberg & Joyce Gray
 
Bible Study Humor: 

Lot's Wife

The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, 'My Mommy looked back once while she was driving,' he announced triumphantly, 'and she turned into a telephone pole!'

GOOD SAMARITAN 

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan.  She asked the class, 'If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?'  A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, 'I think I'd throw up.' 

Did Noah Fish?

A Sunday school teacher asked, 'Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ? ''No,' replied Johnny. 'How could he, with just two worms.' (He has a point…)

HIGHER POWER

A Sunday school teacher said to her children, 'We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a Higher Power. Can anybody tell me what it is? One child blurted out, ' Aces!'

MOSES AND THE RED SEA

Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School. 'Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge, and all the people walked across safely. Then he radioed headquarters for reinforcements.  They sent bombers to blow up the bridge, and all the Israelites were saved.' 
'Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?' his Mother asked. 
'Well, no, Mom.  But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!'


THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD

A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23.   She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter.  Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.  On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, 'The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know.'

UNANSWERED PRAYER

The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon.  One day, she asked him why.
'Well, Honey,' he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages.  'I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.'
'How come He doesn't answer it?' she asked.


UNTIMELY ANSWERED PRAYER
 

During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews.  Tommy's mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, 'Tommy, whatever made you do such a thing?' 
Tommy answered soberly, 'I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He did!'


ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS 

When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past).   For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, 'And all girls.'  This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing.  My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, 'Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?' 
Her response, 'Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying 'All Men'!
'

SAY A PRAYER 
 

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house.  Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.  When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away. 
'Johnny!  Please wait until we say our prayer.'  said his mother. 
'I don't need to,'  the boy replied. 
'Of course, you do.'  his mother insisted.  'We always say a prayer before eating at our house.' 
'That's at our
house.'  Johnny explained.  'But this is Grandma's house, and she knows how to cook!
'

 

Burns Baptist Church  2308 Hwy 96   Burns, TN 37029  (615) 441- 3378